Leslie is....on Facebook

So, I've been on Facebook.

It's.....fun. However, I don't feel quite the same about it as a fellow blogger who wrote tongue in cheek, "She meets my needs", as an excuse for not blogging so much anymore. It is....fun. But....welll....

It's quite addictive. Everyone who's on says that. It's getting kind of tiresome to read, actually. Someone on just about everyone's wall says something about being addicted. For those not ON, it's not like you can just log in, check your messages, answer a few and log out. You could/can spend hours (as I have) scrolling through list after list of faces, looking for those you recognize. Hours and hours looking at hundreds of pictures of people you don't know, checking through groups to see if you fit in anywhere, updating your own profile info and pictures, so that everyone you've connected with can see how great you're doing.

It is fun. In almost 3 weeks, I've got a list of 'friends' around the 60 or 70 mark. Friends....hmmm.
People I haven't seen for 10 plus years. People I'm related to, people I go to church with, people I used to go to church with, people I work with, people, people, people. Here's a snapshot of a few things I've learned about this myriad of people:

• Pete Rainford is a really good photographer. Like, he should be in magazines.
• Pieter VanHiel is a really good writer. Witty, humorous, dry. Just the way I like it.
• Some people my age are divorced. Very sad.
• Some people haven't changed a bit. Very funny.
• Some people only have the same name; everything else is different.

And I've often mused how difficult it is to keep up with the people currently in my life.

But still, it's provided me a interesting glance into a few people's lives whom I was genuinely interested to discover what they've done with their lives. But then there's a few who haven't responded to a message sent, or a comment left on their wall. And so I ponder....'Are they too busy to respond? Do they not remember me? Perhaps they do remember me and don't like what they remember...'. A little paranoia, I suppose. I know I was annoying in elementary school, but I thought I had smoothed that out fairly well by highschool.

And the whole 'friend' thing....at first it was reminiscent of grade two...a note passed in class...'Will you be my friend? (check boxes, yes and no)
Would anyone actually say no? With every friend request has come a fleeting spark of 'feel-goodness'. Someone likes me. Someone wants to see how I'm doing. Someone remembers me and wants to reconnect.
But recently, that's been quickly followed with....'or maybe they just feel obligated because I poked them....'.

And then there's the paranoia that I might be offending someone by not issuing a friend request. I know they see my face on the screens of those we have in common, they might be people I went to school with, but didn't know terribly well. I, let's say, have decided that I don't want to take the chance that they don't remember me, or don't really care either way, so I just...ignore them. But what if I'm wrong? What if they're just waiting for a poke from me?--a little, 'hey, how's it going' message?

And then (how many paragraphs have I started with that...!) there's the information debate. How much do I include on this billboard of my life? How many people do I allow into my otherwise carefully guarded existence? I struggled with whether to leave the pictures of Hayden's gravestone, and his little handprints. Why should I put them there? So people can feel sorry for me? Well, no. Unfortunately, some might think that. But I put them there because I was posting pics of my family and he is my son. Even though he only lived a short time, people should know that he existed. That is his right.

I tried to blog on there. They have function for that. But it just wasn't the same. I felt compelled to return to my first love....;-) There's just something different about blogging my heart out with the vague knowledge that someone I know might read it. I click on publish and out my thoughts go, into the vast web world....
But on Facebook, the webby world seems much smaller. I know that once I click post, my thoughts are being directly deposited into the screens of 70 odd people, if I've got my privacy settings figured out right.
I tried importing this blog, so that I could just write once and have it in both places. But it imported ALLLL my posts, from the beginning. Who wants to read all that on my profile?!?

Through facebook, I've violated a cardinal rule for myself: never let the students see you sweat. In otherwords, even though I send my bloggy thoughts out for the world to see, I've been assuming that my choir kids likely would not find them. Why would they look?
I soon realized on Facebook, that I had opened myself up to the gathering of HCC and Allmen youths in my virtual backyard. So far, this is....ok, I think. I'm hoping I won't regret clicking confirm for those requests. I just couldn't say no and make them understand....I just want to maintain an air of professionalism and respect. That's why they call me Mrs. Kent, when only a few years ago, they were calling me Leslie.

So that's another reason why I return here to my Leslife-morelife. I have to guard what I write on Facebook because.....I don't know. I just do.

Besides, my home here is much prettier....